So I know that Valentines Day is definitely something that is marketed as a holiday to be spent and shared between lovers or those in a relationship with a significant other. I’ve had my share of relationships — both good and bad — and have ultimately come to the conclusion that before you can be in a positive relationship or love anyone else, you have to be completely comfortable loving YOURSELF first.
I was once in a really emotionally abusive relationship. This ex-boyfriend of mine seemed like a great person and our relationship made me so happy in the beginning. After about six months this person turned into a controlling monster. I was no longer able to hang out with my friends and do the things I normally enjoyed doing without worrying about having to lie to him about it or his disapproval. It seems like a small and not important detail, but this person literally stopped giving me compliments. I would spend hours getting ready to look beautiful for him and not once in six months did he tell me I looked good. The relationship ultimately ended and after having no contact with this person for a few months I was able to realize that when I was in this relationship I was basing my self worth based off of what he thought about me. Being single allowed me to love myself again. I regained my confidence and became comfortable knowing my strengths and not being shy about expressing them!
The ability to love myself and know my self worth was so key to getting into the healthy and positive relationship I am in now. When I first met my boyfriend I was sure to make it clear from the beginning things that are deal breakers when it comes to relationships for me. I let him know that I am going to go out with my girlfriends when he is not there, that I have guy friends that will still be a huge part of my life, and most importantly that I will have no tolerance for being controlled in any way. He said that he thought it was sexy that I was so confident and that we have been able to have such a positive relationship because we made a promise to each other to never be passive about anything. If we ever have an issue with each other, we don’t ignore it. We kindly bring attention to it right away and talk through it! This has allowed us to have the most positive relationship I have ever been in.
Bringing it back to loving yourself… even though I am in a relationship, loving myself still comes first. My Valentines Day gift I chose to make for my boyfriend this year really illustrates that. I’m not sure if you are familiar with Kim Kardashian’s book, Selfish, but I made my own version of that to give my boyfriend as a present for this holiday.
This book is filled only of pictures of me and I don’t think that’s selfish. I think it’s cool that I am able to love myself and that sharing these pictures I love of myself with my boyfriend is intimate.
Making a “Selfish” book as a Valentines Day gift goes back to my opinion that today is not about loving a significant other. Make it about loving yourself. So if you don’t have a special someone to “share this holiday with”… screw it. Spend it with yourself. Make a list of things you love about yourself. Pamper yourself… paint your nails, drink wine with your girlfriends, do whatever makes you happy. Remember that you are beautiful and there is NOTHING wrong with knowing it.
Bottom line: Happy Valentines Day, dolls! Love yourself.